My Bubble

Crashing Glass Ceilings

Girls Love Bey?

        
             So today I learned that there is one thing Drake knows, girls love Bey, and have us thinking he has wrote a song about it. SIKE! After listening to the “Girls Love Beyoncé” track by Drake I’m trying to figure out why he chose his first line as the title. I understand the hook is from DC, which is where Bey began, but  besides that, the song has absolutely nothing to do with her. Well,  besides the collage of her face set as the track background. When I heard about the song I though Drake had lost his mind and tried to come at her head. I mean, I would’ve loved to see what he would’ve said.
 
          Maybe he would say he was the father of B.I.C., secret admirers or brain washing people with her music… but instead it’s just like everything else Drake rap/sings…slightly depressing. His love life stinks, but who is really surprised? It is hard to foster a good relationship of any kind due to our lack of intimacy, respect for privacy and actual social skills. It’s not a bad song and the lyrics are decent. But if I could make one suggestion to Drake it would be to change the title to, “Girls Love Bey, But Don’t Love Me” or “Don’t Love Me” either or, but don’t false advertise. I think it will be the male post break up song of the summer. Just saying. If you don’t believe me read the lyrics.
 
Disclaimer: For you die hard Bey fans, I was being sarcastic so don’t sweat off your lace fronts. lol
[Verse 1: Drake]
Look
I know girls love Beyoncé
Girls love to f-ck with your conscience
Girls hate when niggas go missing and shawty you ain’t no different

These days it’s hard to meet women
Feel like my love life is finished

I’ve been avoiding commitment
That’s why I’m in this position

I’m scared to let somebody in on this
No new friends, no no no
You know how this sh-t go
You got your fair share of admirers that call your phone

You try to act like it’s just me, but I am not alone
But if you’re alone then, say my name, say my name[Hook: James Fauntleroy]
Say my name, say my name
When no one is around you
Say, “Baby, I love you”
If you ain’t running games
Say my name, say my name
You actin’ kinda shady, baby
Why the sudden change?
Say my name
Say my name
Say my name
Say my name, say my name
If no one is around you
 [Verse 2: Drake]
Yeah
Uh
Say my name, say my name
‘Cause those other men are practice
And this ain’t no time for actin’
And this ain’t no time for games
And this ain’t no time for uncertainty

And this ain’t no time for locking your phone and not coming home and startin’ some shit when I’m in the zone
This is why I’ve been saying
No new friends, no no no
You know how this sh-t goes
This is not four years ago
Time escapes me

Now forget how it felt when this shit move slow
I come through in whips that make a young boy take the long way home
All my young boys ‘round me saying, “Get money and f-ck these hoes”
Where we learn these values? I do not know what to tell you

I’m just trying to find a reason not to go out every evening
I need someone that’ll help me think of someone besides myself
I need someone I leave through the front door with
‘Cause we don’t wanna hide no more
Plus you’re not shy no more
Neither of us wanna play the side no more

No, I’m not alone
Even though nothing was the same
Let me get your ass alone
Let me make you say my name
Say my name [Hook]
Lyrics and photograph courtesy of rapgenius.com

The Beauty in Pain

I wish I could tell you that the wounds will heal, and everything will go back to normal, as if nothing ever happened. I wish I could tell you that the pain and discomfort will never come back, but then I would be lying. Time does heal all if you allow it too, but every so often with the change of seasons you will be reminded of that pain. It might slow you down and cause you to be still for a moment, however, it is up to you to decide whether or not to allow that pain and memory to paralyze you from moving forward. To some the constant pain and discomfort comes from a misdiagnosis, because we just treat the symptoms and don’t look at how our history is effecting our current state.

Some of us have not healed correctly, so we must go through a breaking and resetting. With our movement restricted, and the feeling of hopelessness haunting us with everything that we should be doing at this time. Not realizing that this time of surgery and proper recovery is preparing you to effectively and securely hold the weight of the things that you thought you should be doing, so that it wouldn’t cripple or kill you. The pain of the past and now might feel unbearable to face at this time, but the pain of now will birth the strength for tomorrow. You will never know how strong you are, until you realize how weak you are.

Everything will not go back to normal, and you have to be ok with that truth. It never does, because your experience has changed you, and it is up to you to redefine your normal. See the beauty and opportunities that this pain has birthed. No you can’t do what you use to do, but now your hands are open to do something that you would have never thought possible. Read a book, write a story, find a new hobby, go on a date or catch up on your favorite television show, but don’t waste this time focusing on what you perceive as failure. It might just be your open door.

Caught in the Rain

         rain picAs I run out into the pouring rain, the mask I wear as a second skin begins to peel.  I throw my fears and worries to the wind, and run through the storm to find him.  My eyes sting, my exposed wounds are forced open by the piercing wind, but I have to get to him. Running through the streets, dodging oncoming traffic, my body is so weary I can feel the strength seep from me. I am drowning in this storm. My vision is beyond blurry, my clothes are dripping wet and are weighing me down. As I turn the corner, I see shelter from the rain, but when I reach it, the doors are locked and no one is inside. I should go back home, but he is closer than home is. I catch the little breath I can under the awning and check my phone. I attempt to call him to come and get me, but my phone dies as soon as I press send. So I prepare myself to go back into the storm, because if I don’t move now I won’t ever make it. As I continue my pursuit, I become aware of the soreness in my throat, heart, lungs and limbs. I never knew I could feel so close to death. My nose is running and my wet sleeve does nothing to relieve it, but I keep pushing. I don’t know how my body is pushing through this. The storm isn’t letting up. My side and legs begin to cramp up, and I scream out in agony as I fall to the ground. I feel the wound on my left shoulder rip open wider right above my heart.

The pain shot through my whole body. There is so much noise around me, but it’s so dark with no one in sight. My world spirals further as I try to hold on for dear life. Despair overtakes me. I taste my tears as they escape against my untiring request. I have reached my breaking point. I wish he would have just came and got me. I wouldn’t have gone through this if he would have just answered when I called. A whelp of emotions surface, and I curse as I reluctantly wave my white flag. I don’t want to die here. Then I hear a voice through the noise, and I know it is him because I know his voice. I want to turn my head, but I can’t move. My body is too heavy. I hear the urgency in his steps as he rushes to my side. He picks me up as if I weigh nothing, and carries me inside his house. I didn’t even realize I had made it to him. He places me in his bed. It feels so good it hurt. My body prefers the concrete.

He brings in a change of clothes, and begins to undress me. I stop him, and despite his request I attempt to sit up. I never felt so vulnerable and weep out of frustration. “I know you want to do this by yourself, but let me do this for you, ok?”, he says and I comply. As he assists me with my clothes he pays very close attention to the scars and wounds. I look over to the pile of my wet clothes which are covered in blood and dirt. I have cuts and bruises in places I didn’t expect, and my bones are cold. He examines me and leaves the room. I attempt to sit up again, but the pain in my back amplifies and I yell out. “I wish you would be still”, he says from across the hall. I roll my eyes and let out a sigh of frustration, but I know it is best for me to just relax and let him take care of me. Time seems to stand still, and my body is beginning to shut down. I try to keep my eyes open, but they beg for sleep. When I open my eyes only two hours have passed, but I am fully clothed and bandaged. I try to turn over, but then I realize he is holding me.

“How are you feeling”, he ask.

“Like crap, and I only been sleep for two hours”, I answer.

“It’s actually been more like a day. I woke you up to eat, and you went right back to sleep. And unfortunately you are going to feel like that for a while, but the good news is that you made it”, he says.

“Good news? I wouldn’t be like this if you would have came and got me when I asked you too!”, I snapped back.

He takes a deep breath and says, “I love you. I know I didn’t do what you wanted me to do when you wanted me too, but I did come to you when you needed me the most”.

“I love you too, but” my voice breaks, “I needed you before I gave up” I reply trying not to cry.

“I love you, and I know you are hurt that I wasn’t there when you wanted me too. But you wouldn’t have known my strength until you gave up. You don’t even realize how much stronger you are since you went through it, or what I was preparing for you” he said as he took out a gold box. “Open it”.

I look at him in total bewilderment. Did he just say what I think he said? I almost died coming to him. I hesitate, but take the box while he just stares back at me and smiles. It is heavier than I expected.

“What is it” I ask.

“You have to open it”, he replies.

I struggle at first, but then I finally get it open. It looks like jewelry box. I look at him in disappointment.

“You got me a jewelry box?” I ask angrily.

“Don’t be so quick to judge…open it up” he says still smiling.

As I open the box my eyes get big and my mouth drops open as the tears begin to roll down my cheek. I couldn’t believe he gave me beauty for my ashes.

************************************************************************

So many times while we are going through the storms of life we get upset with God, because He does not show up or answer the way we feel he should. We are so traumatized by the aftermath, that it is hard to see the beauty in the pain. God is waiting for us to come to a place of total surrender, and unfortunately most of us try to do it on our own until all of our strength is gone. Leaving us with no other choice but to surrender. Remember God is our strength in our weakness, and he will give you beauty for every one of your ashes.

Stop. Drop. Listen

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have opened—
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, my God;
your law is within my heart.”

Psalms 40:6-8 NIV

            A few years ago I was talking with my mother about my prayer life and how I felt that God wasn’t responding. I was very discouraged because I was very diligent with seeking God for answers, and then she said, “Danielle, sometimes we are so busy talking to God that we can’t hear HIM when HE speaks”. These words literally changed my life and relationship with God. In the book of Psalms we have the unique opportunity to eavesdrop on David’s thoughts and feelings through his conversation with God. Throughout the passages we witness him praise God’s character and seek the Father for deliverance, protection, and encouragement during specific points in his life. But in the 40th division David says that it is not sacrifices or offerings that God desires, but open ears and a willing heart. Now this does not mean that sacrifices and offerings are not necessary, but that God looks beyond our rituals and traditions and deeply desires to commune with us.

Personally, at times this is easier said than done. I recently found myself at a place where I would become more religious instead of relational with my personal time with God. I thought that reading a random bible verse and prayers was sufficient enough for my relationship, and for a season it was. But God is always changing the way in which HE reveals HIMSELF, so that we do not become comfortable or too familiar with the way in which HE speaks. When I finally decided to shift out of my comfort zone, I had to strip away everything I thought I knew and come to God submissive, open, and willing to be used. During this time of consecration God opened my ears and began to reveal the purpose HE had for my life, and the authority given to me through Christ Jesus.

In the King James Version verse 7 says: Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me. I love the wording of this verse because it not only speaks of his authority, but also that God has already predestined our lives. When I see my life through the eyes of God I am shifted to a position of worship and open to serve willingly. This is not just because I want the blessings, but to see his will and glory manifested in my life. I want my life to reflect God’s love. This awareness humbled me, because my life is so much greater than I or anyone could have ever imagined, but in order to see it I had to stop talking long enough to drop my routine, and listen to what God had to say.

My Current Affair

Chemistry…Explosive…Addictive…Mesmerizing…

What Chrisette Michele and Guitar Slayer convey in “Your Fair Lady” on her mixtape Audrey Hepburn: An Audiovisual Presentation is an orgasmic musical experience. It isn’t common to hear an in studio or live recording with this level of musicianship and chemistry. The dialogue between Chrisette’s voice and Guitar Slayer’s guitar reminds me of the explosive chemistry between Scandal  characters Olivia and Fitz. It feels as if we are given access into an intimate moment between lovers. “Your Fair Lady” has sparked an affair with my ears, that I am sure will last for months. Don’t believe me…just listen for yourself.

 

The Reawakening

For the first time in years, what I thought I knew isn’t what I know…

In the last four years I have worked nonstop…engrossed in work, school, extracurricular activities, and ministry not realizing that I was losing my sense of self. I became my work, and it became the reason I breathed. It was the love/hate relationship I learned to accept as life. Now at 23, minus the extracurriculars, and the end of my undergraduate career on the horizon, I find myself in the midst of transition. Unfortunately, it feels more like I’m back at square one. Everything is new… including me.

Change. It happens whether we welcome it or not, and so many of us are overtaken by the currents of life because we ignore the world outside of our personal bubble.

I saw the signs, it was inevitable…it was graduation. I had a plan: walk in May and graduate in August. It was suppose to be an 100 percent guarantee, but what was suppose to be an August graduation turned into December. The only word that could describe how I felt in that moment is failure. I have faced failure before…private and public failures…the struggle between my human imperfections and what others and I expected of me, but this was the hit that took me to the brink. It wasn’t because I failed…that actually would’ve been an easier pill to swallow, because I can control that. I could’ve planned for that. I wanted to spiral out of control…everything around me was out of my control…but I couldn’t. Everything that I was connected to demanded that I stand in the midst of my crumbling world. So I turned my auto pilot switch on, patched up my wounds, and fought through the rubble.

Refusing change can be lethal not just to your purpose but YOU!

I fought a great fight. I came to grips with my December graduation, the biggest event in my organizations history was a success, and my grades were good.  I did what I learned from other great leaders…”lead and bled”. I survived. My grandparents and parents did it, but that decision almost cost me my life. I had gotten very sick almost a week after my organizations last event, and almost checked into a hospital. I came to realize that I only have one life, and I had put it on hold for everyone else. I didn’t know who Danielle was anymore. She had been lost; caught under the rubble formally known as my life. I decided to go back and find myself…through the pain of the past, but when I found her I didn’t want to be her. I wasn’t that person anymore. I didn’t know what I thought I knew…I knew more.

The greatest things are given to those who are not afraid to change.

When I look in the mirror, I do not really recognize the person staring back at me. I saw remnants of the old me, but mostly new. My scars were no longer a reminder of my failures, but of what I survived. I am stronger…wiser…an upgrade of my former self. I have grown into someone new, but I know with this comes more responsibility. I have accepted my past and the changes in my present to insure my bright future. The greatest lesson that I have learned is that God’s plan for your life supersedes your own. That doesn’t mean your plans are invalid, but God has something better. Every perceived delay and failure is just God setting me up for something greater. Don’t allow life to kill you…don’t sleep through it…be reawakened and LIVE.