For the first time in years, what I thought I knew isn’t what I know…
In the last four years I have worked nonstop…engrossed in work, school, extracurricular activities, and ministry not realizing that I was losing my sense of self. I became my work, and it became the reason I breathed. It was the love/hate relationship I learned to accept as life. Now at 23, minus the extracurriculars, and the end of my undergraduate career on the horizon, I find myself in the midst of transition. Unfortunately, it feels more like I’m back at square one. Everything is new… including me.
Change. It happens whether we welcome it or not, and so many of us are overtaken by the currents of life because we ignore the world outside of our personal bubble.
I saw the signs, it was inevitable…it was graduation. I had a plan: walk in May and graduate in August. It was suppose to be an 100 percent guarantee, but what was suppose to be an August graduation turned into December. The only word that could describe how I felt in that moment is failure. I have faced failure before…private and public failures…the struggle between my human imperfections and what others and I expected of me, but this was the hit that took me to the brink. It wasn’t because I failed…that actually would’ve been an easier pill to swallow, because I can control that. I could’ve planned for that. I wanted to spiral out of control…everything around me was out of my control…but I couldn’t. Everything that I was connected to demanded that I stand in the midst of my crumbling world. So I turned my auto pilot switch on, patched up my wounds, and fought through the rubble.
Refusing change can be lethal not just to your purpose but YOU!
I fought a great fight. I came to grips with my December graduation, the biggest event in my organizations history was a success, and my grades were good. I did what I learned from other great leaders…”lead and bled”. I survived. My grandparents and parents did it, but that decision almost cost me my life. I had gotten very sick almost a week after my organizations last event, and almost checked into a hospital. I came to realize that I only have one life, and I had put it on hold for everyone else. I didn’t know who Danielle was anymore. She had been lost; caught under the rubble formally known as my life. I decided to go back and find myself…through the pain of the past, but when I found her I didn’t want to be her. I wasn’t that person anymore. I didn’t know what I thought I knew…I knew more.
The greatest things are given to those who are not afraid to change.
When I look in the mirror, I do not really recognize the person staring back at me. I saw remnants of the old me, but mostly new. My scars were no longer a reminder of my failures, but of what I survived. I am stronger…wiser…an upgrade of my former self. I have grown into someone new, but I know with this comes more responsibility. I have accepted my past and the changes in my present to insure my bright future. The greatest lesson that I have learned is that God’s plan for your life supersedes your own. That doesn’t mean your plans are invalid, but God has something better. Every perceived delay and failure is just God setting me up for something greater. Don’t allow life to kill you…don’t sleep through it…be reawakened and LIVE.